We Do Not Need to Run From What We Love to find Solitude

I do not write to you as a friend, but as a voice to be heard for the sake of all that we both know is good.  

The more we awaken into being, the less possible it is to take anyone with us.  We are alone, which is only feared by the incomplete; those longing for the outside world to provide them with a point of arrival that will never come.   But I have seen so many turn this wisdom into loneliness, and how odd that it should ever be that way, because truly alone and lonely cannot occupy the same space.  They are natural opposites, unrecognized by one another.  Michael and I had a short email exchange this morning which brought to light many points that I believe you are struggling with fiercely and not in regards to me, but only in yourself as they pertain to everything you love and to everything that you find yourself unbearably attached. 

Sent: "Dear Michael,

I have been thinking a great deal about the kind and deeply helpful words you have offered me and I have used them to grow patient.  And as someone who shares so many words with others, I know not to assume that you live untroubled, without hovering over and occasionally being swallowed by the greatest sadness.   Your insight was born from this sadness (and then beauty) which is perhaps greater than my own.  When I told you that you have many friends who love you and would help you any time you asked, I did not mean to threaten your solitude.   I only meant that I understand you, that I respect you, and that I would and will protect your solitude, because as you already know, it is the most precious thing that you possess.   And so I am telling you something that does not need to be uttered but silence and words are indistinguishable when they arise from the same inner stillness, and I prefer to create.   I am aware and aware of you, and I thank you.

Love,

Jess"

Reply: "fuck solitude! destroy mine it is rooted in self. god lives in relationships.  i love you.  :)"

Our solitude should not push us away from the people we love.  Our constant work to let them go, to recognize their impermanence and the ways that we must remain separate, will send us floating back to them, lighthearted and free, and ready to embrace their light.  The foolish conflicts that may arise between friends may seem difficult to address.  And no doubt they will ruin us if we betray our commitment to solitude.   But to deny love is no accomplishment.  Our attachment to love is something to be worked through, by acknowledging that it is in us in whatever way circumstance may demand that we acknowledge it.  Perhaps we must be on our own to realize.  This was my need, and a journey that I must continue for now and to an unknown end; a journey that I am eternally grateful for.  But to you I might say something different, because I think you have yet to realize that the dreams you feel you are living everyday will remain incomplete without love; you who gain so much from choosing to love and allowing yourself to be loved.  There is nothing that keeps you apart from this love, other than yourself and your fear, and perhaps ideas that you trust but do not understand.  And you told me once that things take time to become complete...and that you felt that very slowly all that you loved was coming back to you where it belonged.  But things will take more time than we are allotted, and that divine completion will remain just out of reach until we end, if we do not do what is necessary for ourselves.  It is not always appropriate to do it alone.  There is so much that we must do alone and hopefully, we may 'practice' with those who also wish to do, and those whom we love so deeply and that love us so deeply that we are sworn to protect each other's solitude and when we have forgotten, all we need to do is remind each other.  I am surprised that you, of all people, would need to learn that being alone does not mean being away from the people you love, because you, in a certain respect, cling to people tightly.  And it is for this reason that you abandon them, and simultaneously abandon yourself in your effort to find personal power.  It is a wise move and a bold one, and so full of error.  And in desperation you seek relief through brief reconnection or new connection, that can only be as helpful as it is honest, which is not entirely.  And dear dear Rachel my words are meant to be useful and not to cut and you are free to do with them what you will.  Do not fear your love or your dreams or any way they may combine themselves.  And do not let your life pass you by so you become a sad story.  We will not always do things well, and we cannot expect this of anyone; not the ones we love and not ourselves.  But love is far more solid than the passing moments and our whims only hold so much truth.  And you do not have to face yourself alone, because so many are here, loving you.  

Jess